Catching up.

I almost called this post "Bat shit crazy." I had titled it a couple weeks ago or so when I thought I was going to talk about the irrefutable instinct a mother feels, or should feel, to protect her child. Bat shit crazy would extend to that borderline animalistic extent you would go to in order to keep your child safe. I'd take a bullet, I'd punch anyone, I'd hunt down, I'd fight or flight depending on the situation that was best for my child. I felt that feeling, like a tide, rising up to my threshold. I felt like I was going into survival mode.

Baby Z, I talk to you and wait for you everyday to let me know you're okay because you know I'd go to any length to make sure of that. Same goes for your brother. I guess that's where the posting title came from. It's a absorbing feeling that I had never felt before; the kind of feeling that only comes when you're in charge of a defenseless little human.

The original title may have come around the time when I heard about Talon getting pushed down in the child center by a little girl about 6 months older than him. I found later after several minutes of pondering, Talon found that little girl and pushed her right back. Not exactly an appropriate solution to all conflicts...however, it was satisyfing to know that he wasn't going to put up with any crap! When you have no words to describe your feelings, what else can you do??

I put your little ultrasound picture next to the computer screen so I can see you more often. I feel you moving around all the time which cracks me up.

As for other details, you're measuring right on schedule. T always measured bigger but I was much puffier with him as well! All your tests came back with no concerns and we've tentatively planned your birthday for May 23, 2013. Talon's birth didn't happen at all the way we planned nonetheless a wonderful experience. I am happy to roll with any minor changes but I really hope things go relatively close to plan. I still worry that something could go wrong but I just remember what Bonnie said; you're here for the love and that helps me through.

SO excited to see you!