Now there's 3...soon there will be 4....

I'm in the officially insanely fucked up phase of pregnancy. The biggest craptastic factor is sleeping sucks:

• I get up every 2 hours to pee (not joking).
• My hips hurt despite having a huge fluffy body pillow.
• I can only sleep two ways; on my left side or on my right side.
• I have substantially uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the entire night.
• I wake up tired.
• Sometimes I can't even get back to sleep after I pee and I start thinking about what I should make for dinner that night or what I should eat for breakfast because food really isn't all that exciting anymore...

I just feel weird. Tired, yes....duh. Out of body? Yes. Happy? Sure. Sad? Not really. Hungry? Ok sure I can eat. On the bright side, Tikki has begun to leave my stomach alone for the most part. I've finally conditioned her that stepping on my belly is a no-no I imagine by the swift sweeping of my arm that comes at her if she attempts.

I'm ready to have you. I'm so ready to hold you. I'm trying to not confuse my absolute fatigue with anxiety. I'm such a busy person normally that this sitting home thing sucks. On the flip side, it's all I have the energy for with Talon. At this point with Talon, we were waiting and hoping for some sign of labor at any minute. Little did we know he would not come on his own and at 41 weeks and 2 days was still sitting comfortably inside. I'm sure you are too, Darling, but at least we have an eviction date! 39 weeks and 1 day. I anticipate you being a little smaller than Talon because you're going to get taken earlier. Oh but what does it matter?? I'm so excited for you to be here. I'm so excited to be back in the baby bubble and absorbing the moments with greater depth.

One of the best pieces of advice I got this entire pregnancy was from Bonnie (imagine that!). I was expressing some frustration in a session and she explained I was trying to be too logical and that I'm living in a very sacrificial space right now. All of my energy is going to you, Talon, or Dads. She said she could see my energy flow and none of it, or very little of it, was getting to me. She said I can and do recharge a great deal when Dads is just here and around. It gives me a chance to "turn off" which I liked and agreed with. I can feel a difference when he's just here. Being rational, she said, isn't a priority. You can totally ask for him to just BE here. Crazy true.

T minus 9 days, Little One....I love you!