Overload.

More days are good than bad and I hate that I'm writing when it'd been a bad day. Your blog deserves happy thoughts. But, yesterday was one of the bad. We all woke up off, Talon was cranky, you were fussy, Talon refused to nap, by 4pm I was screaming into the middle of the living room thus scaring the shit out of Talon. I suck. After drying tears and patching the trauma Talon just witnessed, I texted your dad to come home after work as soon as he could then we all went for a walk.

It's interesting because this came during a week where I've been feeling seriously overloaded. I'm going to verbal vomit on here because there's no where else to dump it. Too many people, too much information bombarded about people whose drama I'm not even a part of, and the overall feeling of anger when you keep hearing how people call each other friends then talk so much shit behind each other's backs. Again, I'm not even involved in these groups. Why should I care? I'm mad these women are so horribly unsupportive and cruel to each other behind their backs yet shiny happy people to each other's face. Oh, the Facebook quotes they post! HA! I call bullshit. 

I don't compete with my friends. In fact, I wouldn't be friends with people with whom I compete. If training for a sport takes over so much of your life and you can't speak nicely about your competitor even though you call her a friend, then WHY THE FUCK do you hang out with her? She's your competition! Nod your head in the weight room, acknowledge, and move on. The shit I've heard...it's unbelievable. I guess some people have not progressed past junior high school way of communicating. There's a mentality of only the people who also compete know what you're going through. I get that. In that case, just be nice to each other. Stop being passive-aggressive. Stop calling each other names. After she leaves the conversation when you've just told her how awesome she is, stop saying, "Oh she'll never be ready for the show, she's too big/soft/skinny/blhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaalhhhhhhhhhhhh." I literally just met someone a couple weeks ago who said she stays out of drama at the gym. I knew of her for a long time and knew it was complete crap coming out of her mouth. Strike 1 against me. It began to build...

You can be damn sure I'm going to confront someone if I've heard they have said something about me. Confrontation is intimidating but when it comes to sticking up for yourself, defending a friend, you bet your ass it's worth it. What's the worst that can happen? Afraid of losing a friend who never acted like a friend in the first place?

Tuesday I went to the gym just we always do. There was a playlist on my iPod called "FUCK" created specifically for these types of days. Pretty much all Eminem. I love him. I put on my headphones, kept my head down, said HI enough to not make anyone wonder. At the gym, I can't not be "off". I am an employee and there's no time to completely tune out. I know too many people and I'm always being watched as someone who works there. If I truly wanted to completely go off grid, I wouldn't go to the gym but I needed to lift heavy shit.

This week also made me seriously contemplate deleting my Facebook account. Not just deactivating, but deleting. The fact that it plays a significant role in staying connected with family photos and friends, I decided I needed to just back off it instead of deleting. *sigh*

I recognize different energies surging through me. I'm careful about what I say and to whom. I know that the energy I create is going to be the energy I get so it makes sense that this all happened this week. As soon as I started getting upset again about a problem I have with a manager, it welcomed the bad energy and I couldn't filter through it fast enough. I am intuitive enough to feel when I need to back off and when I need to walk away when conversations that are damaging to my energy arise. If it doesn't involve us, we just don't need it.

In other news, you ate a few more bites of banana this morning, sneezed, and then there was banana snot all over you. You smiled and that's the best parts of my day. Cheers to a new day.