Happy New Year

I am not really a resolution maker. I am not that person on January 1 who says, "This year I'm going to (insert big drastic event or same goal as last year)." I guess I prefer the experience, the journey, of constant self-evaluation. Maybe it's just easier for me to digest that way. My personality can be all-or-nothing and I learned a long time ago that that gets me nowhere. Over the years, I have become more aware to be tolerant and patient with myself. I had a temper and when I don't check myself, I end up breaking stuff. So, I let it rolllllll. Sometimes I ebb, sometimes I flow, sometimes I'm just stuck. Within the recent years, I have consciously been working on my energy and how that affects everything and everyone around me.

The holidays have been tough and it's usually my favorite time of the year. I'm the person who puts up the Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving and doesn't take them down until mid-January. I adore the lights, the music, the snowmen, the trees, the brighter the better. I can be a worry-wart sometimes which, judging by previous posts, is obvious. This brings me to this blog entry.

2012 was the first year since we moved in to 10327 Bailey that we hadn't gone back to Columbus for Christmas. The holiday break has been relaxing and lonely at the same time. Between all that and the passing of Vader, I couldn't wait for the holidays to be gone for now.

Sometime back in 2004, I was somewhere in downtown Denver searching for (more) inner peace. My level of self-awareness was not what it is today but I always look for something that makes sense. I had just started my first real job with a salary and benefits as a physical education teacher. I was clueless. Miserable. Stressed. Living alone. Dealing with emotional issues. I went to school to be a exercise physiologist. What that meant when I graduated I had no idea. Being a teacher was the toughest role I'd ever be in and frankly, I was drowning. I knew I was not born to be an elementary and middle school teacher but I loved physical activity so I think I hoped my passion would come through and eventually, I would learn better teaching techniques.

During one of my usual weekend outings in Denver to find the next funky shop, I came across a book inner simplicity by Elaine St. James. It is a physically small book like 4" x 6" and may have been intended to be bathroom reading. Nonetheless, I probably thought, 'This will help'. I may have skimmed through it. I may have taken more satisfaction in that I owned it versus actually reading and absorbing it. Nine years later as I'm cleaning out my basement, I come across it. I sit down, start reading and get it. It sinks in. After nine years, it finally makes sense for my life right now. It makes sense for you, Baby, and for us.

The book is divided into chapters then smaller numbered sections.
Chapter 1- Things you'll want to do

1. Simplify your life
2. Spend time each day in nature
3. Connect with the sun
4. Create beauty in your life
5. Create simplicity, not austerity
6. Learn to enjoy the silence
7. Have a family meal in silence
8. Figure out what you need to do to get well
9. Get in touch with your creativity
10. Latch on to synchronicity
11. Slow down
12. Learn to receive
13. Be realistic
14. Figure out what you don't want in your life
15. Enjoy each moment
16. Take time to read
17. But don't read in bed
18. Sleep a lot

Chapter 2- Easy things to think about doing

  19. Have a weekend retreat at home
  20. Consider a family retreat
  21. Remember, growth isn't always a family affair
  22. Don't get caught in the righteousness of your own path
  23. Form a support group
  24. Create a positive structure for your group

This is where I stopped today. Well, I was reading in the tub and I was starting to turn into a prune. I especially like #21. One paragraph said, ...How you proceed will depend to some extent the level of communication that has already been established. Go slowly, and don't be too attached to having them join you. It may be that the most you can hope for is their understanding and acceptance. If you can't get even that for the moment, learn to keep your own counsel and don't make anyone else wrong in the process. (I love this next line) Learning to deal with the reaction of the people close to you could be a major part of your growth. Your biggest challenge may be to accept the situation as it is and continue on your way. I like #22 as well. It's important to be careful to remember that we all might have the same goal but a different path.

I feel the vortex of 2012 and the holidays behind me. I'm leaving all the twinkling holiday lights. I feel like a kid whose parent is in the midset of taking off my winter jacket and I'm itching to break free. I've got one arm out, I feel one hand on my shoulder like 'wait, we're not done quite yet' and my other arm reaching out ahead of me. Then with one swift move, my other arm is pulled out of my coat and I'm running. Not necessarily out with the old and in with the new...more like OUT with fear and worry and thinking I can fix things that aren't my problem and IN with continuing to take care of myself and fostering the loved ones around me.